We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
