ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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