she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
