I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
