How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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