Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize