Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
