guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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