just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
