Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
