If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
