i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
