I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
