What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
