It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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