I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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