You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
