You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
