Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
