I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
