Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
