I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
