He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
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When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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