...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
