guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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