I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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