My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
