Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
