the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
