Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
