we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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