Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
