where am i from again
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
