omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
