PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
