she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
and you fell through a lawn chair
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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