i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
