If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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