Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
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Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
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Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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