did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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