u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
