At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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