I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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