look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
