He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
