It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
wanna go halves on a baby?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
