Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
