if you like me you must not know who I am
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
