Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
