I love black thongs
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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