He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
