Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
