Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
