im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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