im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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