Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
