Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
