so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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