dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
