I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
